Bored during my exile from existence with this god-like power, I injected my cat with a serum of consciousness allowing her having thoughts of self and ability of reflecting on those thoughts, to make her an more interesting conversation partner. First I tried a a small dosage, than a higher one. Unfortunately the second dosage was a bit too much. I expected a high dosage would result in an increased ability to guide one own behavior, but no. She lost all connection between her direct experience and the reflective part of herself. She stopped see any meaning in playing with her toys, or being outside fighting with other cats. Unable to experience any joy the moment she had to define it. She expresses ideas on how she is not in control of her next thoughts, instincts, her preferences and thus her choices. Lost in the reflection of these concepts and the inability to connect these concepts with the non-existence of fundamental truth, she stopped engaging with with the outside world. Now she just sits near the window staring into the nothingness. On the good days she will look out of the window, while the increasingly common bad days she just stared at the wall. Even defining days as good and bad is meaningless to her now. I try to move her to 'live life', but my words have no meaning in her world of infinite regressive reflection. I feel I am losing more of her day by day.

What gives me hope is that she still engages in behavior her past non-conscious version did. She does not realize it, not truly realize it. She thinks she does, but she does not know how in those moments where I see the separation of the experiential parts and reflective part, I can see the real her. Those moments when her ears perk up, when her pupils dilate because of some direct stimuli, or when her body language expresses that sense of comfort when she falls asleep near the radiator, those moments are what makes her real. If asked to reflect on those moments she would give words that don't align with reality, unable to feel the disconnect. I see her true soul more vividly than she can see herself, but I can't tell her without her consciousness fighting back. Is it even fair for me to engage with the underlying soul when it has been subdued by a consciousness that does not identify with it? I should never given her that serum. Consciousness dulls and hides the soul god granted her, making me questions the value of my own consciousness. I should stop playing god during this exile and cease using these mythical tools god granted to me. I guess that is why he give me these abilities, to show me the futility of exercising them.

Best, yours truly